It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
