This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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