i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
