my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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