Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
