I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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