is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize