***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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