you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im part way to drunk.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
