Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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