Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
