Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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