she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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