Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
