I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
