My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
