i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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