his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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