every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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