My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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