The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
