i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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