Where did you get a picture of my penis
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
