i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
