I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
