it hurts more in the daytime
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And then he peed in my hair
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