We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
