the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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