just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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