You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
