You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
