Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
