New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
