I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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