Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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