is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
