WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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