hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
