Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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