It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
