Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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