She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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