Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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