I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize