it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
