Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
