Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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