I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
