I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
