he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
