Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
