You made me cry and you don't even care
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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