I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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