Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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