I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
