any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
