member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
