he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
