If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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