My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
