I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
