I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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